A Soliloquy For My Beard

To goatee or not to goatee, that is the question. Whether it appears nobler to have hair just about my speaking orifice or whether I should continue to cover my face with as much as I can. So that thyn villagers with pitchforks and torches chase me not. To trim, to shave: to shave : perchance to nick: ay there’s the rub. For in that nick the crimson liquid flows only to be stopped with a bit of paper intended for thyn bottom not thyn face. For who would bear the torture of the many many cruel blades of the razor. When they could cower in fear of them. Oh, the fair Pearl , be not afraid for it is still my face. Please do not cover your eyes. For I know that Brad Pitt I am not.

That Shakespeare dudes got nothing on me. I can See it now. 300 hundred years from now some high-school kid is going to be trying to figure this out in his Younger class. There will be Younger In the Park. There will be snooty directors yelling at actors for not getting enough emotion in their character while reading Let the Marriage Madness Begin!! Yeah I can see it now!!