A Trip To The Doctor

  Last week Pearl was really sick, so sick she didn’t trust driving her self to the doctor. So I stayed home from work to take her. I had already been trying to avoid catching what she had for about five days. I didn’t kiss her on the lips, washed my hands a lot, and generally avoided sickness related tissues like they had the plague on them. When we got to Kaiser they sent us up to a clinic upstairs. I grabbed the handrail on the climb up. Then we sat in the waiting room, fortunately there wasn’t a bunch of people in there, but there was a few sick  people coughing.

  By the time they called Pearls name to go into the little room I felt like I was covered in germs from head to toe. I probably wasn’t, but I swear I could feel them crawling on me. Pearl and I are sitting  waiting for the doctor to come in and she decides to get up and use the aerosol hand sanitizer hanging on the wall.

  A quick PFFT and she had a nickle sized dab of foam in her palm. I, still feeling the germs crawling on me, decide I need some too. Pearl asks me why and I say I touched a door handle. I was trying to hind my germ phobia. I reach up to the dispenser of life saving foam, cup my hand under the nozzle and as gently as I can press the nozzle to dispense it into my palm. a quick PFFT and I would be germ free. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!! The foam comes out at an alarming rate. It squirts into my palm and then out of my palm. Up my arm and onto my shoulder. Still spraying, the foam hits me in the face. I react like I was shot, not on purpose but just a natural reaction to getting sprayed in the face with foam. The runaway foam actually sprayed off the top of my head.

 I muttered a few expletives and trying to keep my cool I start rubbing in the foam while quietly  giggling to myself. I hear laughing behind me, surely Pearl hadn’t seen what I had done. I turn around and laughing with tears in her eyes is Pearl. She starts laughing even more because I still have foam hanging on my glasses. I start laughing. Because I know that this is going into the ” Stupid Things Bryan Has Done ” file in her head. Right next to the time I caught my own arm in the power window of our car.

  I sit down and by this time we are both crying from laughter. Pearl is now helping me rub in the foam. Right at this moment we hear a gentle knock on the door. Sure now that I’m covered in foam the doctor shows up. He couldn’t make us wait another two minutes when the foam would be all rubbed in.  He comes in and says,” Whats going on in here? ” I explain what happened and he tells me how to control the spray of the foam. Not how to keep it in my hand, but how to spray other people. So be forewarned I know how to use it as a weapon now.

  Well, I guess I got what my heart really wanted when I was reaching for the foam. When we left the office I couldn’t feel the germs crawling on me anymore. I’m pretty sure I got them all!