A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that  she was now single after 30 years of marriage. That they were separating amicably and they both deserved to be happy. Another one of my friends commented ( not an exact quote) that it sounded like it was what she wanted so Congratulations. Really. How , after that much time together, does separating deserve congratulations? How after all the years of love , does losing that love deserve congratulations? How does one congratulate someone for the loss of a  family unit that has grown the children to adulthood? All the years of birthday parties and holidays that now will be missing someone. I understand that divorce happens, but I guess that I’m a romantic that believes that after that much time there would be forgiveness and a desire to fight for the marriage. I actually hope that they do find happiness in their future lives. It’s just a shame they decided to do it separately.

When divorce happens near me it tends to make me reflect on my own marriage. So I’m now going to reflect. I think I’ll do that by renewing my vows. They were traditional so they may seem old-fashioned.

I Bryan take Pearl to have and to hold from this day forward :

Ever since I worked up enough courage to tell my best friends girlfriend that I had fallen in love with her, there has been only one woman who I could ever be with. Have all the days been filled with flowers and rainbows? No, people who expect that aren’t realistic. But she is the one person on this Earth that truly knows me, that understands that I’m not that exciting of  a person and still stays and still loves me. I know she always will, just as I will her.

For better,  for worse :

There have been times of both. times of extreme happiness and joy, times of anger and sorrow. Times when we can’t imagine being apart for more than a few hours , I text her and talk to her from work every day just because I love to hear her voice. Times we couldn’t speak to each other because we were angry. Communication isn’t our strong suit, but through all those times one thing is unshakable, our love for each other. We may have our problems, but we will work them out eventually, and while doing so, we still love each other.

For richer ,  for poorer :

There’s been a lot of for poorer. I’m never going to be a wealthy man, I’ll just have to make do with what God provides me with, he knows what I need to survive. I’ll be blessed to receive whatever he gives me. Things like my wife, kids , granddaughter , my home. HMMMM , maybe I’m rich after all. Being rich is a state of mind . I’m rich with love. I’ll take that everyday over Earthly wealth. I would rather have nothing than to go without the love of  my family. All the stuff that money buys is just that, stuff. It’s unimportant.

In sickness and in health :

We’ve been blessed in this area. Nobody has anything major , Thank you God. Most of the time it’s Pearl taking care of me and one of my many, many cuts and contusions I give myself on a regular basis. But if the day ever comes and I would have to give up everything to take care of her I would.

To love and to cherish :

I love my wife with every fiber of my being.  Sometimes probably too much. I cherish every second I am blessed to share with her , whether we are happy or angry, sad or joyous. The two have become one flesh. She brought all the best parts of that glorious mess. I couldn’t be who I am without her.

Till death do us part :

When my mom passed, I was able to witness this part of life . I watched my normally stoic father weep at the side of my mother’s bed telling her, as much as it crushed him, that it was O.K if she left. Even though in his mind it really wasn’t. He was beside her all through her deterioration holding her hand telling her he loved her, comforting her even when she would get out of control because of her strokes. I saw the pain in his eyes when he had to call his son to help pick her up off the floor because he was no longer able to do it. I think for the first time in my life I saw just how much he loved her. I want that kind of love. The kind of love that only comes from 60 years together. The kind of love that comes from being one flesh.

My friend says she’s happy because she gets to continue having her adventures in travel. She has it wrong, the adventure is a life spent well with the person you love. All else is unimportant. Congratulations….. no , I’m sorry for your loss.



2 Responses to “Congratulations?”

  1. Pam Fernandez Says:

    Beautiful blog, Bryan! Good for you for renewing your vows in such a beautiful way. You and Pearl are still such an outstanding couple, and your years together are a testament of what love really is. Mike and I love you both!

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