Ford, Fuel Pump and My Wife

  The fuel pump went out on the Taurus ( yes I own a Taurus) And I had to spend a day of vacation replacing it. I began by jacking the car up and disconnecting the  miriad of hoses attached to the tank. After that I started to remove the bolts that hold the straps that hold the tank to the bottom of the car. One of those was difficult to get out, it squeaked and groaned until it was out. the tank was lowered  and before I knew it with Pearl’s help the pump was in.

  That is when the fun began. I began lifting the tank back into place. One strap goes in easily the other … not so much. I can’t get the bolt to start threading. I started to get a little frustrated so I move on to other things. I decide to put a new fuel filter in  that I had ordered and waited for two days to come in. I’m trying to put the filter in but the fittings are too large. The parts store ordered the wrong filter. I’m frustrated again, so I decide to finish connecting the hoses I can and go back to the tank strap. problems still with getting the bolt to thread. I pull the bolt out and it’s retainer and examine them. They are stripped. I didn’t do it I think Ford did when they assembled the car. Remember the bolt that groaned taking it out, this was it. I finish what I can and decide to go to the parts store and junk yard to replace the wrong filter and stripped parts.

  First the parts store. I’m greeted by a nice old man who tries to help me but says he can’t approve my return. He needs to get the manager. I tell him that’s fine and that the manager WILL do my return. I’ve decided that he has no choice he will give me back my money. The manager comes out and SHE ( I guess it was a little sexist of me to assume the manager was male) looks at my part and tells me” That’s not our part”. I show her my receipt and tell her ” That’s the part your guys sold me “. She approves my return all I’m asking for is the correct part but they don’t have it. They give me my money back ( about $50) and I’m off to another store. This store has the part I need  and it’s only $13. I made a little money back, something is finally starting to work out.

  Next I went to the junk yard to replace the stripped part. I decide to try a new one in my area because it is close. When I arrive I noticed that the cars are all sitting on the ground with no tires on them . This is a problem because the part I need is under the car. I found two piles of  junk that will suit my needs. In order to get the part out I have to lay flat on the ground with my arm stretched out  almost as far as it will go and blindly find and  turn the bolt that I need. After wrenching for a while the bolt finally comes out. Now I’m thinking the hard part comes. the retainer I need snaps into the body and I struggled to get the one out of my car when I could see it. I reach in blindly once again  saying a little prayer that it comes out easily. Fumbling around I can feel the part and to my amazement it almost falls out into my hand. I have the parts I need to finish. Yeah!! And Thanks God.

  I rush home with my treasure of parts  excited to finish up the car. The fuel filter first It goes in easily, very easily. Then the tank strap …..  not so much. I put the new parts in but I just can’t quite seem to get the bolt to thread. I keep trying and  trying but it just won’t go. I keep trying for what  seems like an hour .  But nothing the strap is just not quite reaching the hole. I try everything I can think of, I even use a drill at one point thinking if I make the hole in the strap larger it will reach, it is that close.

  I’m about to walk away for a while when Pearl comes out. She starts giving me her ideas on what to do. All of which I’ve already tried. Then she say’s ” Why don’t you jack the tank up higher?” I say back ” It’s up as high as it will go.”  And defiantly grab the jack handle to prove my point. After all I’m not stupid. I pump the jack handle and the tank goes up another couple of inches. I try the bolt and it goes in easily. OK maybe I am stupid. I ask her ” Where were you an hour ago.” From now on whenever I’m working on a car I will have her standing by just to keep my stupidity in check.

AAAAAACHOOOOOOOO!!

Last night I had the funniest and probably grossest thing happen while I was brushing my teeth! So I thought I would tell you about it in as much detail as possible. While I was brushing and my mouth was filling with saliva based foam, out of nowhere I had to sneeze. I pinched my nose trying to stop it long enough to get to the bathroom and spit, but as if on cue, Pearl closed the door to it just as I started looking for it. I needed to sneeze very badly and the kitchen was to far away. So out it came, well sort of. I tried to hold it back but all that did was force the air into my mouth. My cheeks puffed out like Dizzy Gillespie playing his trumpet.

Even that wasn’t enough and the pressure was too much for my lips to contain. I let the foam and spit mixture out not in a large gush like a broken pipe but more like releasing the pressure from a garden hose. I tried to catch the spray with my hand but all that did was turn it into a finer spray and more fountain like. I was sitting behind Steven and after all the spray had hit the floor he was afraid to turn around he said it sounded like I vomited. The splattering noise on the floor I guess.  Pearl and Steven showed great concern for my well being by laughing uncontrollably at me which gave me a giggle attack that pretty much lasted the rest of the evening. Seriously, Pearl and I were laughing in bed! I started laughing at work just thinking about it.

This makes me wonder. Why does stuff like this only happen to me? No one else, just me! Why are there always people around to laugh at me? Why can’t I do something completely stupid in private so I could hide it? I guess if stuff like this didn’t happen to me then this blog would be nothing more than a blank page. I’m such a klutz!!

My Ratatouille Moment

Last night we had cabbage burgers for dinner. They are basically cabbage, onions, and ground beef baked into a roll.( simple food for a simple person) I took one of the leftovers for lunch. They have been one of my favorite foods since I was a kid. I don’t get to have them very often, Steven won’t try them and they are pretty labor intensive to make. My mother used to make the filling but would just give us hamburger buns to put it on, kind of like a sloppy joe. But it wasn’t the same as when Grandma made them. They just are better baked into a fresh golden brown roll.

Like I said I took a leftover burger to work for lunch. I carfeully placed my golden brown beauty into the microwave, carefully warming it just enough to make it hot but not so much as to make the bread rubbery. I sat down at my table anticipating the first bite when my friend Dan says” What kind of sandwich is that?” I said back”This?, This is a trip to grandma’s house.” He looked dumbfounded so explained that my grandmother used to make them and what they were made of. It was delicious and I have another one for tomorrow.

After lunch I started to think about my grandparents. I remembered one camping trip when we were camping with My grandparents, the Pepmeirs, and the Horsts ( I was told they were cousins but to my mom everyone was a cousin). They were all about my grandparents age. All very nice people. I remembered that the women made the burgers on that trip, I remember waiting for the sandwiches to rise so they could bake. (We all had campers with ovens.) When they were done we ate them around the campfire. I remember on that trip I caught a two and a half pound walleye( imagine a trout with teeth) from my grandpa’s boat. The first time I had ever fished from the boat. I caught the biggest fish that day after being told by the older more experienced fishermen that I was doing it wrong.

 It was about then that I remembered a scene from the movie Ratatouille. The food critic was eating the dish that the rat chef prepared for him. It turned out to be his favorite food from his childhood. He immediately flashed back to his childhood and had a warm fuzzy moment remembering his mom. That is pretty much what I was doing. Remembering the past because of the food I had eaten. It was my warm fuzzy moment. Thanks Pearl for making me remember grandma’s cabbage burgers.

P.S. We need to take Allie camping so we can make her cabbage burgers and I can tell her about the time I caught a five and a half pound walleye from my grandpa’s boat.

I’m Now An Award Winning Writer

 There it is, my award. Isn’t it beautiful? Jeanie gave it to me. I think the antioxidants from all the tomatoes she eats have effected her thought processes. I mean, really, there is very little intelligent life here and most of the time I’m throwing virtual tomatoes at her. But I’m glad someone is reading. I’m supposed to pick seven of my favorite blogs and give them the award, but I only personally know a few of the bloggers I read and Jeanie gave most of them the award. So I feel it would be somewhat redundant to give them the same award again. SOOO I’ve decided to come up with my Own award for them. Here it is.

 Beautiful isn’t it? I call it the Bryguy.

The recipients are:

Pearl : She receives ” The Living With The Most Obnoxious Husband Award” Because she’s my wife DUH!!! And ” The Most Loving Wife of The Year award”

Audrey : She gets” The Worlds Cutest Grandkid Award”( ours) and ” The Up And Coming Obnoxious Blog Writer Of The Year”( She gets it from her mother, really she does)

Jeanie : She deserves one for all the torment I put her through. She gets ” The Tomato Hater Tolerater Of The Year Award”

Dave : I figured he has half of the Internet tied up with blogs and websites so he gets ” The Use Of The Most Bandwidth Award”

Heather :  A great friend and mother gets ” The Soft Fluffy Pillow Maker Award” (Sucking up for some pillows)

Jovan : Jeanie and Dave’s Daughter-in-Law. She wins” The Baby With The Chubbiest Cheeks Award”

Joe : Gets an award by proxy. He gets ” The Best Piggy-Back blogger Award” I had to link to Jeanie’s page because Joe doesn’t have a blog, he just helps me torment Jeanie on her page. He should get one. I thought I would give him some blog fodder to start him off. Tom-Haters rule!!!!

Me: I get “The Shameless Self Promotion By Using A Silly Picture Of Yourself  Award” You see this is really just a ploy to boost my blog stats.

Congratulations to all the winners and remember it was an honor just being nominated. Don’t forget to take your awards with you as you leave. The lost and found here is notorious for having stuff stolen.

Heavenfest Highlights

Well it’s been here and gone. Heavenfest is done.What a day, 12000+ people worshipping God, WOW! What a sight to see. So much as a matter of fact it took me this long to compile this blog. Here are some of the highlights for me.

The Prayer Interactions:

Pearl, Amyjo, Steven and I made interactive displays that would hopefully make people think about and draw nearer to God. All of which were Amyjo’s ideas, she has an amazing heart for worship.There was a couple of communion stations, one on spiritual growth, one about how the blood of Christ covered our sin, and others. My favorite was the prayer labyrinth. It was a lot of work outside in the 95 degree heat( Steven and I 6hrs, Pearl and Amyjo 12 hrs) but it came out well.  

Hours to build minutes to take down.But I think it made an impact on many people.

Besides it’s still there sort of.

The Brob..uh Brodig…Oh shoot, the graffiti wall thingy:

The graffiti wall was a cool idea. It was in the middle of the open field with a bunch of open paint cans so people could write whatever they felt on it, or themselves it turns out. Near it was an artist doing a large mural of WALL-E.

Dave’s Snack Shack:

I’ve decided that he was the smartest vendor there. He set up on the hottest and busiest side of the building right next to the misters , which he provided, and sold ice cream. Not only that but he undersold the Dippin Dots vendor by a couple of bucks an ice cream. He was running all day long, serving huge amounts of people on the verge of turning into puddles from the heat.

The Main Event:

After the last band had played a nameless and faceless worship band took the stage. I was right in the middle of the crowd taping the event for the nameless, faceless parents of the band. I was praising with one hand and taping with the other. There were a few thousand people on their knees worshipping and making commitments to God. One of which was my son. Praise God. He thought the main event was awesome.

Gods Provision:

While the bands were amazing, what I remember most is how God provided for the event. Right from the begining when we were asked for a donation for the seed money for the event. For us it was a huge amount of money to give but God provided the means to give it earlier than what our commitment was. Later he allowed us to work with one our favorite people, Amyjo, which calmed some our fears about serving. God provided buildings , stages, materials, and some amazing volunteers for the event. We met one who volunteered for a second shift helping park cars( The hottest, dirtiest job I think) before doing his shift as security. I love Dave Powers story of how he was praying for the funds for the emergency access road and God showed him he was standing on road base materials. I’m sure there are hundreds of stories like that.

 

 I think God provided so well because people in the event were so faithful. I’ve been asked if Heaven fest will happen again next year, I say I hope so but if God tells Luke and Dave not to do it then they won’t, they are that faithful. But if they do, I’ll be there doing my part, watching for God to move again.

 p.s Here is a link to the official Heavenfest media http://www.heavenfest.com/Media_2008/ There are tons of pictures there.

Diminished Glutes, Or I Wanna Talk About My Butt

The weekend before last we spent  a lot of time sitting. On Saturday we went up to Audrey and Ben’s Place to do some repairs on their apartment, that was about an hour and a half of driving. Right after we got home we went to a movie, that was another couple of hours sitting. On Sunday  we went to church , another hour of driving and service was about an hour of sitting on the most uncomfortable chairs on the planet. All this made my tailbone hurt for most of last week. Why do we have a tailbone? What does it do? Why don’t I have enough padding around mine?

When Pearl and I were first married we were in the shower one day and she told me I didn’t have a butt. That suprised me, I know my parents spanked something back there so I must of had one at one time. Where did it go? I’ve tried to see it but I can’t and end up looking like a dog chasing his tail when I try to see it. One of my brothers was born without a pectoral muscle, is it possible I was born without glutes? That would explain why my pants have never seemed to fill up back there. They’re always sagging. In the 70’s, we told to shake our ” groove thing ” you can imagine my embarrassment at not having one.

I saw an episode of King Of The Hill once that explained my condition. Hank Hill was diagnosed with D.G. or Diminished Glutes after experiencing pain when sitting down. He was prescribed, shall we say, butt enhancers to help with his pain. They were basically butt cheeks that he put in his pants. I think I’m going to need those in the future. As you can see Hank and I have similar body types.Tall with short legs, if you could see him from behind you would see he doesn’t have a butt either.

I guess this is what I need to solve my problem.

I Love My Dog

I was a little tentative about getting Roddy when we decided to get a dog. You know mostly about cleaning up all the poop. But yesterday he made my day. We were barbecuing the traditional hamburger and hot dog Fourth of July meal, Pearl was slicing up some burger toppings and she decided to give Roddy a slice of ( ugh) tomato. Which he quickly snatched up. I was thinking that I was going to have to disown him now for eating the tomato. He wallowed it around in his mouth for a few seconds and promptly spit it out. That’s right, my dog hates tomatoes.The dog that chews through a rawhide bone like a lion through a gazelle won’t eat a tomato. My dog would rather eat a stick than a tomato. My dumb Friend from the Dumb Friends League that thinks cat poop is a snack won’t eat a tomato. I’ve never been so proud of him, It brings a tear to my eye. I love my dog now I think I’ll keep him.

Note to self: Get a new picture of the dog.

I Hate To Tell You I Told You So, But…

You all laughed at my disdain for the tomato like I was the “special” kid in the back of the class eating library paste. You all scoffed at me like I was the guy with a foil hat on saying that the aliens probed me. But no more , I AM VINDICATED!!! The tomatoes around the world are rising up and making people sick just because they ate one raw. Ha, I will not be joining those people  while they are kneeling at the porcelain alter. Just remember I told you so……

Other tomato blogs I have written are in Tomato Stuff on the side of this page.

Check out this video http://killertomatoes.com/movies_story.asp?movieIdno=1&page=1

Mothers

With Mothers Day almost here I thought I would share some thoughts about the mothers in my life.

My Mother

Six kids that all turned out normal ( maybe with the exception of kid #6 he’s kind of strange, but he does have a witty blog) . That has got to be something to honor. Now that I’m a parent I understand more of what my mother must have gone through with all of us. We were more of a handful than she would like to  admit, but she was always there for us . She supported us in the things we did and defended us when we were unjustly accused, and yes punished us when we were justly accused. Something no parent wants to do, but is necessary. I was punished and still love my mom, there’s a concept that today’s society just doesn’t seem to understand.

My Daughter

I still find that amazing. My little girl is a mother !?! How is that possible? But I can see traits that she learned from her mother. The love in her eyes when she looks at Alyssa is amazing. She is going to be a great mother.

My Wife

She is the most amazing mother. My father once told my mother that Pearl was a wonderful mother. That’s high praise coming from my father. He was right. She has always been kind, understanding and loving. All that while I was bumbling and  stumbling trying to figure out this fatherhood thing( I still don’t have that right). I have seen her at times when she was saddened by life and still take care of her three kids ( I’m #3). We are more of a handful than she would like to admit. But she loves us anyway. I have seen her at times of sickness that would have laid me out, and she gets up to take care of us. That’s to much sacrifice but she does it anyway. I have seen her at times of joy with tears in her eyes because she was so proud of something our kids did. I am in awe of her. She is the reason my kids have turned out well. I take no credit. I love her with all my heart and soul. I am so undeserving of her.

My Life As a Video Game

OK everyone knows I work in a warehouse. The warehouse is set up in a maze like grid of racks and aisles and we drive up and down them all day. When I started there I used to think of myself as a rat in a maze. Running up and down the aisles as fast as I could so I could get my reward( my paycheck).

But no longer. My company is currently trying to save energy by replacing the mercury vapor lights with energy saving  fluorescent lights. Every single fixture has a motion sensor on it and will turn off if nobody goes under it. When we come back from breaks almost every light is off. So as you drive down an aisle the lights turn on one at a time. I am no longer a rat I am now Pac Man. Except I turn on the lights. I drive up and down the aisles as fast as I can turning on the lights so I can get a bonus( incentive pay). I hope I don’t run into any ghosts in the dark when I’m about to finish a level( work day). We don’t have any bouncing fruit( ok we do when we drop a pallet) but we do have tours that I could run into. Maybe I could get a bonus if I knock them all down. ( Actually I have long referred to the tours as bowling pins, they are usually chefs and occasionally they come in wearing their tall chef hats and  uniform. To me they look like bowling pins especially if there is a group of them.)

Pac Man skull

 Kind of looks like my head, doesn’t it?