Archive for the Fun Stuff Category

La Mosca Del Diablo

Posted in Fun Stuff on October 9, 2011 by bpyounger

Prologue :

This incident happened about ten years ago. In an attempt to overcome my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I’m going to try to put my horror into words.

It all began on a quiet summer afternoon. The kind when all you want to do is sit back and relax with a cool drink that has condensation rolling down the glass. But this was not to be. This was the day that he got in. I don’t know how … but HE got in.

La Mosca Del Diablo!!!

Or The Devil’s House fly. He came into my house and began wreaking havoc almost immediately. Flying around landing on stuff, knocking stuff over and bouncing off the window and my bald head. All the time making that incessant BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!  He was larger than the normal fly and had with  lot more attitude.He was almost daring me to get a rolled up paper. Which I did.

I stood up with my weapon and began to chase him around the house. Which is exactly what he wanted . I swear I heard him giggle. I would get close to him and swing with all my might only to miss and hit a fragile object, shattering it. this continued for a while and he began to get braver. He was coming closer and closer. That’s all I needed. I was always a good hitter in baseball and he was like swinging at a hanging curveball. I swing with all my might and connect. WHACK! He sails across the room and hits a wall. It’s over . Peace has been restored.

I walked over to pick up the splattered remnants of the fly but I can’t find him. He is gone! I know I killed him, but he is gone!  I look behind the couch and while I’m looking I hear it… BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! He is still alive. I quickly spin around to find him and he bounces off my head again. Just to taunt me. I swing again and once again I connect. he sails across the room again and hits the floor. But he’s STILL alive. I ran across the room hoping to catch him while he’s dazed, but he recovers before I can get there . He quickly flies down the hallway and into the bathroom. I give chase. I caught up to him in the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

It is now the Thunderdome. “Two men enter, One man leaves”. I still have the rolled up paper in my hand and now begin flailing it around in an attempt to get lucky and hit him. But all I do is manage to cool him down with a nice breeze. He giggles once again and flies into my ear. He begins buzzing as loud as possible as if to say ” I dare you to swing now!!!” So I did! I connect… with my ear. He gets away, but my ear is ringing and I am dazed. While I was disoriented I dropped my paper and now I am completely unarmed. I’m just where he wants me, vulnerable. The fly lands on the handle of the plunger and much to my surprise he picks it up!! Not only did he pick it up, he hits me with it. I fell to the floor. While I’m down there being bludgeoned I noticed the toilet brush. I reach for it out of desperation.  I just barely can get it and turn around in time to block one of his many powerful blows. This gives me time to regain my footing and begins a duel that can only be rivaled by Obi-Wan and Anakin.

The only difference is that we are fighting with a plunger and a toilet brush. Just when I think I’ve got him cornered, out of desperation he throws his plunger at me. It stuck to my forehead like a giant suction cup dart. I’ve dropped my weapon again and I am staggering around trying to get the plunger off my head. It came off with a loud POP! Leaving behind a large hickey on my forehead. He quickly flies into my chest knocking me backwards and into the switch for the bathroom fan. Completly on accident, the fan is turned on. The vortex of air current is too much for him and he gets sucked out of the room and I assume out of the house. It is finished. I have survived.

I exit the bathroom and go into the living room. Pearl asks me what was going on. I told her that I was killing a fly, the whole time keeping my back to her so she couldn’t see my tears. She thinks I was laughing. They say that laughter and crying appear the same from behind, apparently they are correct.

I finally am able to look back on that day and reflect on it. I have a question or two. What happened to him? Did he survive the blades of the fan? I think I have my answer.

My dog had some of these in his skin this past summer( Pearl wrote about it here http://payounger.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/cattle-grub-larvae-disgusting/ ) She thinks it was just a random fly. But I know it was him and he’s building an army of his children. Some day they are coming for me… Los Hijos de Mosca Del Diablo!!! The children of the Devil’s House Fly…. They are coming for me!!!!!

Baby’s Firsts

Posted in Fun Stuff on September 3, 2011 by bpyounger

I turned 49 a couple of weeks ago and my Mom got me a card . In it she reminded me that I was the baby of the family.  That made me think of all the firsts a baby has, but everyone stops counting firsts after a while.  I recently had another first in my life and that made me think of other firsts that people don’t keep track of. So here are some of my firsts.

Baby’s First…

… Birthday cake. I was four, my mom made me a cake shaped like a  bunny and one shaped like a giraffe. It wasn’t my first cake, but it is my earliest memory.

 …Pinched finger. I remember about the same time I got my finger slammed in a car door. My Dad took me to the doctor and the doctor burned a whole in the nail with a hot paper clip. It must have been sterile because I saw him heat it up with my Dad’s lighter. I’m sure that did the trick. Gotta love military doctors.

 …Round of shots for Italy. I was about five when my Dad got stationed in Italy. I remember having to get caught up on my shots in a hurry. I was the youngest so I needed the most. I felt like a pin cushion.

 …Friend. I don’t know if he was actually a friend, but I remember an Italian kid name Stefano coming to our apartment in Italy. I’m sure there were other friends but he is the one I remember for some reason.

 …Time being hit with a pitch. Baseball was a family thing. My brothers all played and my Dad coached. I was playing Pee-Wee at five. Ironically the first time I can remember being hit with a pitch I wasn’t batting. My brother Gary was warming up for a game and I don’t know if I wandered into the path of the ball or if my brother threw a wild pitch but I got hit in the thigh. It was probably a wild pitch because I wouldn’t walk into the warm area. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

 Bee sting. I was walking through the rec fields where we played ball and got stung on the thigh. It was probably no big thing but I was around five and I cried like a baby. I still have a fear of bees. I wrote about it before ( https://bryanyounger.wordpress.com/2008/06/12/buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz/ )

… Time being thrown out at first. I have always been able to hit the ball well. In my parents slide reels one of the first pictures is one of me hitting a ball, I was around four. My first official game I hit the ball and ran with all my might and was put out at first. I cried the coach comforted me. My next time at bat same thing. I cried some more, more comforting. What I didn’t realize was that in those two outs I made I had driven in four runs. All I could see was that I was out. You know why I was out? Because even though I could catch ( I played catcher), throw and hit, I couldn’t run . I have NEVER been a runner. Still can’t. I hurt my knee as a teenager ( I’ll get to that later)and now they could time me with a calendar.

  …Time being hit with a bat on top of the head. I played catcher in Pee wee baseball and a batter threw the bat. It landed square on top of my head. The kids these days have it too easy. They have helmets behind the catcher’s mask. I didn’t. I think that hit may have broken something in my brain that is yet to be healed. It would explain a lot!

 …Grade teacher. Joy Smith. I don’t know why I remember her name but I do. I also remember thinking that 2+2=22.

 …Plane ride. I know, I’ve been talking about living in Italy. I’m pretty sure that we drove the Country Squire wagon there. I don’t remember flying there. but I do remember flying back to the USA. I slept in the rear of the plane on some open seats laid out as a bed. I also got some pilots wings so if you ever want to let me pilot a plane for you, I’m qualified.

 …Night in a hotel in New York. When we got back to the states we landed in New York and spent the night in a hotel. I remember waking up to a noise that  I had never heard before… traffic. I also remember seeing the statue of liberty from a distance.

… Fall up the steps. Thats right, I said up. I was running up the incomplete stairs from the basement that was being constructed. There was no roof over the stairs and it was raining. I slipped and landed on my nose. Which brings me to…

…X-ray. I had broken my nose on the steps. It was the first X-ray in a file that eventually resembled ” War and Peace”.

… Motorcycle. I loved to ride my minibike I would crack the throttle all the way open and go as fast as I could, not surprisingly the motor seized. My parents replaced it with a 80cc Yamaha dirt bike. It was a lot faster and I could ride wheelies on it. A dangerous combination.

…Stay in the hospital. I actually hurt myself on my sisters 125cc Yamaha. Ironically it was probably one of the most minor crashes I ever had. I was turning around and bumped the front tire on a log. That pinned my knee between the gas tank and the handle bars, then I fell on that side. My brother had to pick me up and put me back on the bike and I rode it back to camp. We went to the hospital the next day, my knee was as big around as my thigh, it was broken. I spent a week in the hospital.

…Sparks of sarcasm. While I was in the emergency room the doctor made some passive aggressive comment to me like” I thought parents didn’t let their kids ride motorcycles anymore.” I replied,” That’s what you get for thinking.” He made some other comment I can’t remember, but I remember my response,” There you go thinking again.” My brother later bought me a book published by MAD magazine called ” Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” , the world has never been the same since.

… Time being tortured by a sadistic doctor. My knee was broken and the doctor knew this and yet he checked my ligaments in the knee by tying them together and spreading my legs out to the sides, you know, the direction your knees aren’t supposed to bend. It was simply the most pain I have ever been in.  A shot of  Novacain would have been nice. The nurse even told my mother that ” That was rough.” I still think he was getting even for me being a smartass.

…gray hair he gave to his mother. After I got my cast off I was out riding wheelies in the back yard on the 80 Yamaha. I couldn’t walk, but I could ride. She looked like a ghost when she saw me.

 Well this is getting quite long so I think I will cut this short. The traumatic event that caused me to write this blog was this .

Baby’s first….( Drum roll please)

BIFOCALS!!!! Bi friggin focals! When did I get old? How is it possible that I need them? I am after all the baby of the family. I guess now that I’m a grandfather I needed the grandpa glasses to go with it. I just couldn’t read anymore. Through my glasses my arms were too short. Without my glasses I would practically have to put my nose on the page to see it. So I guess it was time.

I’m On Vacation, Therefore I’ll Blog… Or… I’m Baaaaaaack!… Again!

Posted in Fun Stuff on April 18, 2011 by bpyounger

I know I’ve been gone a while but I’ve been really busy. I was doing important stuff like, working on the house , just working , watching Pearl work on her sign, clipping my toenails, washing my hair…etc. OK maybe I wasn’t that busy, just lazy. I promise that I will really get back to work on my blog …really I do . I mean it this time. Really I do!

 I have some old blogs that are half completed that I’ll be posting soon. They may seem a little old but They will finally be published.

Talk to you later, Bryan

Brooks and Dunn Broke Up

Posted in Fun Stuff on September 26, 2010 by bpyounger

How can this be? Not Brooks and Dunn no way! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 Ok, so I’m not that broken up about it. But I thought I would mark the occasion by remembering all the good times I’ve had to their music. HMMMMMMMMMMM… I guess I’m done remembering. Being the biggest country music fan ever ( pretty much hate all forms of it), I don’t think I’ve ever heard one of their songs. So I  did a little research and this is what I found.

  I searched ” Brooks and Dunn biggest hit” and found  on Wikipedia that they were the most successful duo in all genres of music. Really? They’re bigger than Jan and Dean? Simon and Garfunkel? Surely they’re not bigger than Sonny and Cher!  Like I said, I have NEVER heard one of their songs! Wikipedia said that one of their biggest hits was ” Boot Scootin’ Boogie”. With a catchy title like that I’m surprised I’ve never heard it on the classic rock station. So I  looked it up on YouTube. I’m posting this without  seeing it so I’ll be sharing my first thoughts of it after watching the video for the first time with you ( just trying to connect with  my reader(s) on a personal level)  I have my popcorn , soda and upchuck bucket handy and I am ready to watch the video. So here goes …

 Ok, so I can say I have heard one of their songs. YEEHAH! Does that make me a cowboy now? ( Insert pause to empty bucket) I still hate country music. It all has the singer, with the same type of voice, singing the same content, to the same beat. Brooks and Dunn can retire now  with the  knowledge that they have reached me.  They can go off and plan their reunion tour now . I’ll be first in line for the overpriced tickets. ( The last line typed with sarcastic overtones)

25 Years

Posted in Family stuff, Fun Stuff on September 6, 2010 by bpyounger

 On September 7,1985 I married the love of my life. Twenty five years later we’re still here. Still together, still having fun , still in love with each other. I wish I were a better writer, I could write about how wonderful my wife is. How she has loved me when I didn’t derserve it, how she has taken care of me when I was ill, and  how she has always been out of my league.

I wish I were a more romantic husband. I could then come up with a thousand ways to sweep her off her feet.I could  make her feel more loved and more in love with me. I guess I could by her candy, but she is diabetic. I could buy her roses, but they wilt and that’s not a great representation of my undying love for her. We’ll probably go out for a nice dinner someplace, but  I wish there was more. You see my favorite thing in life is just spending time with her. Even if we don’t speak, I feel great comfort just being near her. I get to see her and touch her . I’m quiet, so I probably don’t say it enough, but I love her. With every fiber of my being. I love her. I LOVE HER!

Like I said she’s always been out of my league.

 Happy Anniversary Pearl. Twenty five years and counting.

p.s Do you know why they call it the silver anniversary? That’s what color your hair is when you get to it.

Sharing At The Movie Theatre

Posted in Fun Stuff on August 2, 2010 by bpyounger

 We went to the movies yesterday and of course I had a guy at least my size sit next to me. The theatre had plenty of room but this family HAD to have the four seats next to me. This seems to be a trend for me lately. The last couple of movies we have gone to this has happened. The last movie I had a little girl who kept bumping her head into me the whole movie.

 This time was going to be different though. This time I’m armed… I have a cold. (I probably caught it from the little girl) I was trying to let all potential seat takers know in advance that I was sick by coughing, blowing my nose and anything else I could think of to gross people out before they sat down.

 This poor guy’s wife just HAD to sit her family right next to me. When asked if the seats were open,I politely said yes but in my mind I was thinking ” At your own risk!” At first the daughter was being forced to sit next to me but she wouldn’t do it. Smart girl. So the father was forced to sit next to me. The man was at least my size, probably bigger. When Pearl saw that he was sitting down she told me that I could lean towards her. I told her that I was fine. I knew I was going to have plenty of room.

 I held my ground on the amount of space I was taking and then I set my plan into action. ” Operation Leg Room” began. I started coughing louder and pulling out tissues to blow my nose. Making sure that I was as gross with it as I could be. Then I would lean over a little towards him to put my used snot rags in the trash I had accumulated on the floor. Needless to say the man did his best to become  small, that is, he tried to get away from me as best he could. My plan worked, it’s probably the only time a cold has actually helped someone!  I enjoyed the movie and was seated comfortably the whole time. Not once was I crowded by the large man seated next to me. I actually had more room than the time the little girl sat next to me. The guy was leaning over towards his wife crowding her for the whole movie. Served her right for  violating movie theatre etiquette by wedging her family into those seats.

 I expect that the man will be sharing my cold with his family starting in the next few days. My mom always told me it was nice to share!

I Don’t Understand The World Cup

Posted in Fun Stuff on June 27, 2010 by bpyounger

 I don’t get it, I just don’t get it. I haven’t seen anything but highlights, but I don’t understand!

OK, in the USA’s first game they tied… everyone was excited to get that. In the sports most popular here that is like kissing your sister. Yeah you got a kiss but it doesn’t mean anything. Then in the second game, they had a goal disallowed and tied again. They got robbed, but they tied again and that’s good stuff in the soccer…. sorry… football world… right? At least they didn’t lose, because that’s always bad, I think.

Maybe not! I saw that Mexico lost in the same round of the tournament and they still advanced!  HUH?  They lost and get to stay in the tournament? How does that compute? In this country you lose and  you’re done that simple.

USA finally got a win with a goal in over time or what ever they call it. I can understand this. They won a game with a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Thousands of  soccer fans are elated. Yay.

Yesterday the USA lost to Ghana. those same fans are depressed. boo hoo. By this time I don’t care, this sport needs a few linebackers. Someone to tackle the goalie as he’s trying to make a save. There would be more scoring and some awesome hits! Just think of all the Sportscenter highlights!!!

Which brings me to my next point. The players are the worst bunch of  fakeers I have ever seen! Someone would brush into another player and that player would fall to the ground like he had been shot with a high-powered rifle. He would stay there seemingly at death’s door until he drew a penalty. Then miraculously,  he was HEALED! The player who couldn’t move because he was paralyzed with pain, can walk and run and kick without even a limp! I did see one player try to do this and the official just stood over him gesturing for him to stand up. Eventually he did. Apparently the official was sick of all the field flopping too. If those players were bigger I would say they have a promising career as a pro wrestler.

Like I said this game needs a few linebackers. Give those guys a real reason to lay on the turf! I did get to see some Rugby recently. It sort of has linebackers and people get hit without pads on. I can get into that!