The List Wouldn’t Be Complete

The bad music list wouldn’t be complete without Stevie Nicks droaning out Silent Night.

Steven Playing Guitar

One for Pearl

Nothing says Christmas like a love em and leave em song! Pearl loves this song almost as much as cutting a tendon!

More Christmas Music

OK the last was so bad I decided to show one  of my favorite versions of the same song.

Bad Christmas Music

With Christmas fast approaching I thought I would start posting some of my favorite bad christmas music. This is Bob and Doug McKenzie. Stop watching after the song  the rest is an ad for a bad cartoon show. Sit back relax and enjoy.

A Trip To The Doctor

  Last week Pearl was really sick, so sick she didn’t trust driving her self to the doctor. So I stayed home from work to take her. I had already been trying to avoid catching what she had for about five days. I didn’t kiss her on the lips, washed my hands a lot, and generally avoided sickness related tissues like they had the plague on them. When we got to Kaiser they sent us up to a clinic upstairs. I grabbed the handrail on the climb up. Then we sat in the waiting room, fortunately there wasn’t a bunch of people in there, but there was a few sick  people coughing.

  By the time they called Pearls name to go into the little room I felt like I was covered in germs from head to toe. I probably wasn’t, but I swear I could feel them crawling on me. Pearl and I are sitting  waiting for the doctor to come in and she decides to get up and use the aerosol hand sanitizer hanging on the wall.

  A quick PFFT and she had a nickle sized dab of foam in her palm. I, still feeling the germs crawling on me, decide I need some too. Pearl asks me why and I say I touched a door handle. I was trying to hind my germ phobia. I reach up to the dispenser of life saving foam, cup my hand under the nozzle and as gently as I can press the nozzle to dispense it into my palm. a quick PFFT and I would be germ free. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!! The foam comes out at an alarming rate. It squirts into my palm and then out of my palm. Up my arm and onto my shoulder. Still spraying, the foam hits me in the face. I react like I was shot, not on purpose but just a natural reaction to getting sprayed in the face with foam. The runaway foam actually sprayed off the top of my head.

 I muttered a few expletives and trying to keep my cool I start rubbing in the foam while quietly  giggling to myself. I hear laughing behind me, surely Pearl hadn’t seen what I had done. I turn around and laughing with tears in her eyes is Pearl. She starts laughing even more because I still have foam hanging on my glasses. I start laughing. Because I know that this is going into the ” Stupid Things Bryan Has Done ” file in her head. Right next to the time I caught my own arm in the power window of our car.

  I sit down and by this time we are both crying from laughter. Pearl is now helping me rub in the foam. Right at this moment we hear a gentle knock on the door. Sure now that I’m covered in foam the doctor shows up. He couldn’t make us wait another two minutes when the foam would be all rubbed in.  He comes in and says,” Whats going on in here? ” I explain what happened and he tells me how to control the spray of the foam. Not how to keep it in my hand, but how to spray other people. So be forewarned I know how to use it as a weapon now.

  Well, I guess I got what my heart really wanted when I was reaching for the foam. When we left the office I couldn’t feel the germs crawling on me anymore. I’m pretty sure I got them all!

Ford, Fuel Pump and My Wife

  The fuel pump went out on the Taurus ( yes I own a Taurus) And I had to spend a day of vacation replacing it. I began by jacking the car up and disconnecting the  miriad of hoses attached to the tank. After that I started to remove the bolts that hold the straps that hold the tank to the bottom of the car. One of those was difficult to get out, it squeaked and groaned until it was out. the tank was lowered  and before I knew it with Pearl’s help the pump was in.

  That is when the fun began. I began lifting the tank back into place. One strap goes in easily the other … not so much. I can’t get the bolt to start threading. I started to get a little frustrated so I move on to other things. I decide to put a new fuel filter in  that I had ordered and waited for two days to come in. I’m trying to put the filter in but the fittings are too large. The parts store ordered the wrong filter. I’m frustrated again, so I decide to finish connecting the hoses I can and go back to the tank strap. problems still with getting the bolt to thread. I pull the bolt out and it’s retainer and examine them. They are stripped. I didn’t do it I think Ford did when they assembled the car. Remember the bolt that groaned taking it out, this was it. I finish what I can and decide to go to the parts store and junk yard to replace the wrong filter and stripped parts.

  First the parts store. I’m greeted by a nice old man who tries to help me but says he can’t approve my return. He needs to get the manager. I tell him that’s fine and that the manager WILL do my return. I’ve decided that he has no choice he will give me back my money. The manager comes out and SHE ( I guess it was a little sexist of me to assume the manager was male) looks at my part and tells me” That’s not our part”. I show her my receipt and tell her ” That’s the part your guys sold me “. She approves my return all I’m asking for is the correct part but they don’t have it. They give me my money back ( about $50) and I’m off to another store. This store has the part I need  and it’s only $13. I made a little money back, something is finally starting to work out.

  Next I went to the junk yard to replace the stripped part. I decide to try a new one in my area because it is close. When I arrive I noticed that the cars are all sitting on the ground with no tires on them . This is a problem because the part I need is under the car. I found two piles of  junk that will suit my needs. In order to get the part out I have to lay flat on the ground with my arm stretched out  almost as far as it will go and blindly find and  turn the bolt that I need. After wrenching for a while the bolt finally comes out. Now I’m thinking the hard part comes. the retainer I need snaps into the body and I struggled to get the one out of my car when I could see it. I reach in blindly once again  saying a little prayer that it comes out easily. Fumbling around I can feel the part and to my amazement it almost falls out into my hand. I have the parts I need to finish. Yeah!! And Thanks God.

  I rush home with my treasure of parts  excited to finish up the car. The fuel filter first It goes in easily, very easily. Then the tank strap …..  not so much. I put the new parts in but I just can’t quite seem to get the bolt to thread. I keep trying and  trying but it just won’t go. I keep trying for what  seems like an hour .  But nothing the strap is just not quite reaching the hole. I try everything I can think of, I even use a drill at one point thinking if I make the hole in the strap larger it will reach, it is that close.

  I’m about to walk away for a while when Pearl comes out. She starts giving me her ideas on what to do. All of which I’ve already tried. Then she say’s ” Why don’t you jack the tank up higher?” I say back ” It’s up as high as it will go.”  And defiantly grab the jack handle to prove my point. After all I’m not stupid. I pump the jack handle and the tank goes up another couple of inches. I try the bolt and it goes in easily. OK maybe I am stupid. I ask her ” Where were you an hour ago.” From now on whenever I’m working on a car I will have her standing by just to keep my stupidity in check.

I’m On ” Vacation”

I’m on vacation from my job this week. Notice that I didn’t say from work. I’ll give  you a rundown of what is on my schedule this week.

  1) Do something with the foam in my garage. I have about ten sheets of foam that I must do something with. I’ve already tried a pulley system to pull them up to the rafters but that didn’t work. I’ll probably just make a shelf of sorts to set them on.

  2) Finish my Ma-in-Laws bathroom. This has been an ongoing project for a while now. We’re having to repair repairs that have already been made by someone with not very good craftsmanship skills. I have to install a toilet, sink base and sink, and do some plumbing in the crawl space that the ” expert” left unfinished.

  3) Put a fuel pump in the car. I’ve already bought the pump and I have to say, it looks like something I would be installing in a swimming pool not a car. It’s all plastic with plastic hoses. That project should take me a few hours. ( hopefully)

  4) Help Audrey and Ben paint their new home. Wednesday will be spent painting  the rooms they will be living in. They are renting a house from Ben’s grandparents and are fixing it up for them as sweat equity. We’ll also be taking her desk to her. ( shhhhhh!!! don’t tell her she doesn’t know that yet)

  5) Clean out the garage. There’s a giant armoire hiding in there somewhere. I can’t see it but I know it’s there.

  6) Start sanding the giant armoire and get it ready for paint.

  7) Hide from Jeanie because if she finds out I’m on vacation she’ll find more work for me.

  8 ) What ever else is on my honey do list. I’m sure Pearl has other stuff for me to do.

  9) This is provisional. If I have time, take time to rest after all I’m on “vacation”.

24

  That’s how many years Pearl and I have been married now. Of all our years together , this has been a tough one. With Pearl’s Dad’s health failing and money being tight. Yep things have been tough this year. But we’re still here, still love each other and are stronger than before the pains of the last year.

   This year we need to take more time for ourselves. With our kids almost grown it’s time for us to rediscover each other. We’ve been parents first and lovers second or even third for a long time now. We need to change that. I’m looking forward to the challenge of rediscovering us. Don’t get me wrong we still have fun and laugh together, it’s just becoming our time again. Before we know it, we’ll be empty nesters and we’ll be alone together again.

  This blog isn’t the most romantic thing I’ve ever written, but it is honest. I love my wife, she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

I must be a better husband. I’m looking forward to a better year 25. I guess wanting to know my wife better is kind of romantic isn’t it?

Just For Fun

I think I’ve found my new hobby!